


The things that we lose

by Casual_Seeker



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blood, Car Accidents, F/F, Loss of Limbs, Memory Loss, Nightmares, Prompt: Memory Loss, Prompt: Nightmare, lapidotangstweek, not happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-16
Updated: 2018-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-19 08:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13700457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Casual_Seeker/pseuds/Casual_Seeker
Summary: Lapidot angst week day 1 and 2.





	The things that we lose

_It was a beautiful night to drive, you could see the stars and how bright the full moon was. Mountains were just a shade of black in the horizon._

_It was a dark rural road, there was no artificial light, only the one from the car._

_It was calm trip, only the sound of the engine and her laugh._

_That was a beautiful day, full of fun and kisses. That day at the lake was perfect for their second anniversary, spending together their time in the most romantic way possible._

_Neither of them could see where the road ended._

_Loud sounds of breaking glass, metal hitting hard stuff and screams. The body moving with violence to the sides and finally calm._

_It was a beautiful night with full moon. The light was enough to see the crimson in her girlfriend_ _’_ _s head._

_She tried to speak, nothing. A sharp pain in her leg made her feel sick_ _…_ _She tried to reach her partner with her hand, it was broken, even with a hanging, useless hand she was able to touch the other, but only that crimson liquid was warm._

_She tried to speak again, it was impossible to breath, it was impossible to move. She knew her lungs weren’t in a good state. Then she put her strength in a last effort, she screamed, but her partner didn’t react. She was gone._

 

Peridot woke up screaming. It was dark outside. She tried to turn on the lamp, her hands where trembling, making her to fail every attempt to press the button.

Suddenly the room wasn’t dark anymore. A tall figure rushed and tried to hug the other, caressing her hair with one hand and whispering things in her ear. “It’s ok Peri, I’m here” and “Breath, in and out. I’m here don’t worry”

Peridot was shaking, she could see the crimson in her partner’s face… Oh no, this couldn’t be… She screamed again. So Lapis grabbed Peridot’s head with both hands and stared at her directly. “Peridot wake up, it’s just a nightmare, open your eyes. Peri!” And finally the blonde opened her eyes and saw blue… Those blue deep eyes, that fluffy blue hair… There wasn’t any crimson anymore, only blue.

“Peri listen, breath in and out. Breath in and hold it… yes perfect, now slowly breath out… Ok again… It’s was a nightmare … I’m here” Lapis voice was calm and warm. She was right, it was a nightmare… Then why her foot hurt so much? She tried to grab it and… nothing. Yeah, there was nothing. The nothing hurt like hell…

Then Lapis realized it, “You had that nightmare again?” and Peridot nod, “Did you took your meds?” Lapis asked, Peridot shook her head.

“I’m gonna get you a glass of water. Can you be alone for a minute? I promise to come back quickly” Said Lapis giving a hug, then she released the blonde and run to the kitchen.

Peridot hugged her pillow with force, “Stupid phantom pain, stupid mind…” she cursed between teeth. She was still on therapy after the accident. Dealing with her loss member and the shock for 10 months was one thing, at least she managed to recover slowly and even walking again with a prosthesis. But there was another thing that not even all the time in the world could make it easy…

Lapis come back with a glass of water and some white pills, hand it to Peridot and wait for the blonde to take it. Then she grabbed the empty glass and left it on the night table.

“Do you need something more, Peri? I’m gonna be in my room so…”

Peridot jumped and grabbed Lapis’s hand, begging with a cracked voice, “please… Could you stay with me? I don’t want to be alone, please”

“… Sure, you had help me before with the same problem. Let me just turn off the light, ok?”

With the light off and Lapis with her, she tried to sleep again not before being grateful. Lapis answered with “we roommates have to take care of each other’s, don’t you think?” But with those words how she could go back to sleep? So when Lapis started to snore, Peridot started to cry in silence. The phantom pain wasn’t that bad like those words…

 

At morning they decided to eat breakfast together. Peridot was too tired for that, but Lapis insisted that she should eat. Then meanwhile she was eating her toast Lapis decided to break the ice.

“So… your nightmare last night…” and stopped when Peridot got tense, so she grabbed her hand before continuing, “Do you want to speak about it?”

Peridot gulped, this was a hard topic for her. “I don’t know… it just… It was the whole thing this time…I hate this so much… “

They fall in silence. This wasn’t the best way to start the day, but you can’t just ignore something like this, then suddenly Peridot laugh nervously, her eyes in pain. Lapis stand up quickly and hugged Peridot from behind.

“Why I have to dream about it again?! I hate this… Why my useless brain decided to bring those memories again? Fucking hell!” Her nervous laugh replaced with a small cry now, making Lapis’ heart ache.

“That’s what nightmares do… Sometimes they come in the worst moment. Remember how 6 months ago- I mean… Some time ago I dreamed about when I nearly drown? We both thought that it was under control but… It wasn’t…” Then Lapis hugged Peridot tighter, “I… You don’t know how much I would like to remember what happened… with that I could at least… share with you that pain…”

Peridot feel something wet falling on her arm, Lapis was crying this time.

“Lapis no, this isn’t your fault. It just… In some way it’s for the best…”

“How it for the best?! I want to remember what happened! this isn’t fair… I was the responsible for it… You are suffering for all this shit meanwhile the only thing that I have to “remember” is the scar in my forehead and your missing leg!”

This was hard in so many ways. After the accident Lapis lost part of her memory, three and half years into the oblivion. The doctors said that she suffered memory loss by a traumatic brain injury, but they weren’t sure I she would be able to recover her memories or not. First it was very complicated, Lapis spend a whole month in coma, later she had some short-term memory loss (have you ever live the experience of hugging someone, and this someone get scared because they don’t know who you are? Then this repeating 3 or 5 times per day for a week or more…) and finally after 3 months she was more stable. When the doctors told her what happened she wanted to die. She was the one driving that night and she felt guilty, so after her reaction that was the only thing that they decided to tell her.

It was difficult to Peridot to tell her about her leg, but it was more difficult to tell Lapis how they were girlfriends, mostly because with all the things that she forgot they came back to the time when they were only roommates and just friends.

2 years of a relationship were into the void now. A lot of people said to Peridot that she should leave Lapis for good, that she couldn’t get back their relationship, that she should move on and live her life. How the heck she would do that? She loved Lapis, she was her only family. If they were able to be in a relationship, then it could happen again… 

So in the end what was better? Not being able to remember what and how happened, not being able to remember an important part of your life and your lover, making you even lose your dream job? Or being able to remember all and having to live with those painful memories and knowing how your lover don't even remember their relationship?

Both were crying now, hugging each other. Then Lapis decided to speak again.

“We should go to the therapist tomorrow… What do you think?”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea” 

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my first language. So if you find some grammatical error or something let me know to change it!  
> Thank you very much for read this.


End file.
